my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
