Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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