They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
