so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
