Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
