I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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