Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
