I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
