My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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