Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
