I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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