shes about as inviting as chlamydia
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
