my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
