Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
