y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
