i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The Olympian is in my bed
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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