Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
