literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We left the knife in your bed.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
