we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
