after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
