R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Two words: blizzard sex
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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