That's intense
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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