I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i think we sleep fucked last night...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
