He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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