the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
