Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The air was thick with penises
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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