U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
