Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
