he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
