Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
