Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
