The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
foreskin is a definite game changer
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
