I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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