don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
