Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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