tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i think i have two assholes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
