I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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