you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
