My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
