I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
