Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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