Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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