a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
