I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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