I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
