he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My vagina just recognized that song.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
