no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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