Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
