Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
