I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
