i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
