I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
operation have a gay friend backfired
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
