it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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