Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
