dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
